Dancing in the Minefields

I saw this video for the first time last fall and loved it. It made me cry. I was reminded of the words preached at our wedding. The homilist spoke of the cross that marriage is. Not the cross that marriage can be, but the cross that it IS. And the abundant graces and blessings that are given when it is carried TOGETHER and carried with faith. The beauty of the suffering that we all inevitably experience in more ways than one is astounding.
The song also reminded me of my parents. Two people who have suffered more in their short 35 years of marriage than many lifetimes of marriages combined. Two people who have carried their cross with such grace and faith it is INSPIRING. I always knew I was blessed to be born to them….to belong to them…..

I love you mom and dad. Thank you for your example.

Order From Chaos

Today marks 1 full week into the new year. Can you believe it? Craziness.
Anyway, I have a few New Year’s resolutions which include regular blogging, no biting my nails, and smiling more. But my #1 New Years’ resolution isn’t health/weight/diet related like 90% of most people. (Though I could stand to refine that aspect of my life a bit more…)
My resolution is simple: to achieve order and maintain it joyfully. Simple but certainly NOT easy. The intent was mostly practical but then I remembered my spiritual director years ago say to me, “Theresa, exterior disorder reflects interior chaos…” Which is as true today as it was 8 years ago when she said it to me. She is a wise woman. And so my quest began after the Christmas hustle and bustle ceased.

Order from chaos (in all aspects of my life) is a tall….TALL order to fill. Where does one begin?

I am not completely overwhelmed with the job…though most people would be if they really looked at my life. I know I have the tools and possess the know-how but what I lack is DISCIPLINE. I.Am.Lazy. And laziness is an ugly hideous vice that slithers into every single aspect of a person’s life (when it isn’t kept in check). It is dangerous and disgusting and it has gotten a bit out of control for me these past few years.

The weapon of choice?…..a book. Yes, a book. I’ve read this book several times over the past 4 years. I’ve applied a few of the ideas in it though I always made an excuse that it didn’t really apply to me yet because my kids weren’t old enough to apply the techniques mentioned. Yeah right. I was just lazy. Looking for an excuse. Anyway, it is a fantastic book and I am going to pick it apart and apply it because I KNOW it will help. I’ve LIVED a similar lifestyle before and there are immense blessings that come from it.

Seeking to order my extremely disordered tendencies is going to kill me. And I say that quite literally. But I know without a doubt that God is asking me to put forth an complete and sometimes heroic effort to achieve this….NOW. I say heroic because lazy people like me tend to do something half-assed or begrudgingly incomplete and almost seek out a reason to bail or flee at the first sign of conflict or obstacle. The author makes a wonderful point by saying, “YES!, God will bless the effort. But He needs to have an effort to bless.” And by effort she means a whole-hearted, fully dedicated effort to change. A complete dedication of my WHOLE self to my vocation. It is there that the graces and blessings are waiting.

And that is what the first 2 chapters of the book are about. They are beautiful and motivating and provoke thought, excitement, and change (for the willing and mold-able soul). This week as I dive into chapters 3&4, I focus on my vocation and my daily response to God’s call by

*****doing what I ought to do with a joyful and willing heart….and pure intent…

And so by the grace of God I go. Because only with Him is this even remotely possible. 😉