Jealousy Kicks My Ass…

Ever have a case of jealousy that drives you completely bonkers? You know, the kind that makes you want to drink or vomit. I get that way with 2 people. And the thing is, the jealousy isn’t even the kind that makes me want what they have or do what they are doing, it’s just a sort of disgust that they are so EASILY doing what they are doing. HOW can they afford the life they are living? WHERE do they find the time with several home schooled children and house projects and such? It baffles me.

It’s embarrassing, really. This jealousy thing. I went to bed last night with the question on my heart, “What is it I am supposed to do?”
Really the question was directed towards a project idea I’ve been sitting on for quite some time. Years, actually. But the answer came swift and sure and quite to the point.
“Get.Your.Shit.Together. You are better than this. You can do everything…..EVERYTHING you are inspired to do if you just get up off your lazy butt and function. This is not you, Theresa. And you’ve settled for being “not you” for a long time. Long enough to believe that this is the “new you” and to forget trying to revive the old. That’s a bunch of horse shit. YOU are better than what you’ve become. You are capable of so much more. You can achieve all that you dream about and more if you just apply yourself whole heartedly. Show John….remind him of the woman he married. Remind him of why he fell in love with you in the first place. INSPIRE him to happiness, joy, and abundance. Lead him (by example) back to his faith….to Christ. That right there ought to be enough to make you move. Get up off your ass and stop talking about things, stop writing about things, stop making lists, and start DOING.”
And so, there it is. The kick in the butt that came from somewhere last night as I lay in bed. So I will begin. I begin again. I’ll take it one day at a time…one moment at a time and try not to get too discouraged.
The dishes and laundry are calling my name. Screaming it, really. “Theresa! THERESA! Get your butt over here and do something about this nasty mess!”

You’ll hear from me again soon. 

And I’m pretty sure the jealousy thing will surface again. 
Sorry. It’s an ugly ugly thing.

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